Monday, May 17, 2010

Anything at All

We've all had this conversation1:

"These Intarwebs are great," someone says, "you can find anything out there!"

"Anything?", says you, "anything at all?"

"Yep, anything," says they, "there's a site for whatever you could think of!"

"Like a site.. umm, ok.. a site about Leonard Nimoy, Sunsets and Pie?", says, you, smiling just a little condescendingly.

"Absolutely!", says they, face beaming with childlike joy, "it's right here!"



#1 OK, so we haven't actually had any conversation like it. This is a dramatization, for dramatic effect. Any resemblance to any actual people, living or dead, is purely coincidental. This episode was written in front of a live studio audience (we still used a canned laughter track because of the annoying, badly timed, loud snorting laugh from that guy in the third row that completely ruined everything). No polar bears were harmed in the writing of this episode. Ei saa peittää. Do not douse with gasoline. If ingested, seek medical attention. Mooning your local dentistry school should do the trick. If it looks like it would lead to a exotically painful, violent death or lifelong maiming then just don't do it. Unless you have a friend with a video camera. The owls are not what they seem. They're actually sparrows wearing big glasses and fake eyebrows working the night shift. Damn those sparrows, taking over everything with their efficiency charts and incentive-based wage scales and matrix organization and that annoying happy "tweet-tweet-chirp" sound whenever they get to add another found worm in their daily productivity ledger. Have you considered the ukulele?2

#2 I have a tight deadline coming up. One part of the model that I need for that deadline just doesn't work as it should, and right now I'm all out of ideas. Some judicious venting is in order.


  1. Is that a house sparrow or a tree sparrow we are talking about?

    Your Ornithologist in Residence

  2. A damn sparrow?

    No, seriously, nothing against sparrows. One thing that has struck me, though: SBBs (Small Brown Birds) seem to be quite rare here, or at least you never see them. Not just in Osaka, but also when you go out of town and into rural areas. Plenty of other birds around but those mice of the sky seem absent or possibly well hidden.

  3. Well, if you offer them only worms to eat, they are likely to starve to death. Hence, fairly rare.

    I'd love to do some birding in your rural areas.


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