JoUR

So, your research project is on a tight deadline. You're scrambling to put together a paper and push it out to some journal in time for a looming project review. You're hunting references, writing and rewriting your arguments and doing a desperate last-ditch data analysis round in the hope this will be enough to find favour with the journal reviewers. Meanwhile the clock is ticking... tick. tock.

Let's face reality here - you're out of time and out of luck. Your paper looks like what it is, an unfinished cut-and-paste job from your earlier publications, with some obvious editing to make it look vaguely coherent. This really has no chance to be accepted; you'll get a "revise and resubmit" if you're lucky, and an outright "reject" if not. Either way, you'll be spending a month or so rewriting it from scratch.

So why not go a little easy on yourself? Stop panicking and stop wasting precious time you can't afford. Just take whatever you have and submit the unfinished, unreadable mess to Journal of Universal Rejection.

Skip the last-minute editing, the tedious formatting, the Byzantine submission guidelines and the wait in the endless submission queue of other journals, and go directly to the inevitable rejection. The same end result, but weeks - maybe months - faster! Think of all the time you'll save! You'll have your revised, rewritten manuscript ready for submission to a good journal before your colleagues have even received their rejection notifications!

 
Remember: "Journal of Universal Rejection - when 'submitted' is what matters."